Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
真的是良心作品，全片没有卖俗卖傻的低级幽默，反而是各种新鲜包袱层出不穷，魏老师的表现真的太到位了，不管多么尴尬的剧情都显得如此真实，黄才伦的表现也比李茶的姑妈里那种做作顺眼多了，几个配角的表演也很自然。难得让人笑哭了的喜剧。
一个中年高管的日常，展示的扭曲的平衡挺现实的，一点都不可笑
笑死了，不知为什么评分这么低。里面的很多台词和人物设计完全按照大众想象中的形象设计，就比如导演、杀手甚至人物的喜怒哀乐都是直观明了，完全不用观众去思考，这就使这部贺岁片变得非常成功，很适合一家人，无论年龄大小都没有代沟。看了其他人的观后感，有人觉得很多情节脱离了实际，我倒觉得一部喜剧不用太过较真，看得懂，能搞笑就满意了。
2倍速看的。不知道是不是自己位置的关系，看完的感受居然是这哥们终于这么干了，资本家或者老板从来就不好当。看着工厂外面拉横幅的哥们，我想起的是曹德旺的那个美国工厂纪录片，老无所依的变态杀手老了还是很有魅力啊...
一切皆是因果啊！为了天枰的平衡，有时候也必须用些手段，不愧是顾全大局的资本家
黑色幽默反讽到位，对于一位讲求着“公平”的“好”老板来说，没有什么比控制更重要了，所有人都要在他的掌控之下，却被冠以为对方着想的目的。哈维尔戴上眼镜，烫个头发，立刻就从《老无所依》里的杀人狂变成了一个精致的利己主义者，演技加分。四星！
职场斗争淋漓尽致，很好很贴近现实，真正平衡的天平下面有一颗可以夺人性命的子弹！
令人难以共情的角色塑造、缺乏逻辑的情节
实在是骗电影票，打着开心麻花的旗号，持续消费麻花的口碑，翻拍也没有出彩的地方。
春节档图个乐，这要是放在了别的档期就是个烂片无疑
耍了半天手腕，最后还是没玩过实习生。让我看到了作为一个企业家的“责任”，还有干活给钱就完了，别老说什么“we r family ”这种屁话，最后不还是该开就开了么，几个反转剧情还是挺有意思的，哈维尔-巴登老了，都开始演企业家了。
超出预料的好
作品采取黑色喜剧讽刺的手法，反应富豪对员工的压榨干涉已经到了无所不用其极的地步。
春节档就应该是喜剧电影的主场，大过年的整那么多严肃的东西有什么用？作为一部含腾量为零的开心麻花电影，能卖到这个程度也得多亏各位同行谦让，非得塞一大把主旋律进春节档，也只好让仅剩的喜剧独苗脱颖而出。作为一部本土化改编电影，整体而言中规中矩。看得时候不觉得有什么，看完之后又想了一遍才发现魏翔的表演十分成功，他对角色的理解与演绎达到了一个很高的水准，放在开心麻花所有电影中，都属于上层，若能有幸提名表演奖，都不会令人觉得讶异。反倒是从前总能精准抓住角色的马丽这次饰演的女明星多少有些不太适合已经日渐发福的她。
春节选这部电影全家一起看是押对宝了，闫飞彭大魔导演，全程都在笑得打鸣。节奏也很好，哭点后面会马上接个笑点让观众不会被煽情的氛围带偏，用我爸的话说是无厘头的感动。
关于自由，有所讨论，关于人性，有所讨论，关于老板，有所讨论。很值得看看的电影，让人很有想法的电影，能了解更多我不曾知道的手段
真的是良心作品，全片没有卖俗卖傻的低级幽默，反而是各种新鲜包袱层出不穷，魏老师的表现真的太到位了，不管多么尴尬的剧情都显得如此真实，黄才伦的表现也比李茶的姑妈里那种做作顺眼多了，几个配角的表演也很自然。难得让人笑哭了的喜剧。
国外的黑色幽默穿插从头至尾，而国内一谈到黑色幽默，各投资方都觉得格局小了要打开。哎，也不知道谁的格局小了。
7分-电影可以的，没有一般喜剧的俗气，至少有拍出来些特点来。
内地喜剧没救了，这么粗糙的剧本都能称之为年度惊喜，拿下26亿票房，实在想不通。我觉得电影全程都在尬演，刻意煽情上升主题，剧情转接也生硬到业余水准。复古挺好，但就是调色违和，配乐也滥用。
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