Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
尚且算是个情怀之作，或者是缅怀之作。前半段太慢太长，后半段太无厘头太没逻辑。不过确实适合小朋友看。
泪目系情怀电影。电影本身中规中矩，不过它能勾起你的童年回忆。
越到后面剧情越逗比和儿戏啊，boss出场后，就像进入了80年代的情景剧，立马和时代脱节。最后，一群人脱智表现，烘托小女孩的智商和果敢在线？
海岛风情穿得很少gay版《傲慢与偏见》，开头小说直接出镜，主要角色的设定和剧情走向都能对上。作风狂放，内里仍是老派的爱情和友情故事，浪漫桥段氛围还挺撩
通讯录版傲慢与偏见，很多情节很老套了，追船啊误解啊，强行设置阶级鸿沟，虽说不恋爱的现象确实存在，但是刻意反一夫一妻制而转向炮友关系实在难以苟同。
就剧情来说看得人昏昏欲睡，就情怀来说没什么可共情的；我一八零后都没看过84版的捉鬼一帮子小屁孩谈致敬谈粉丝向简直装X装得可笑...
可能不是死忠粉，所以很多彩蛋都没有get，质量来说一般，不过怀旧牌打的太好，小女主前途无量
Charlie长得太像陈坤了，像到打了个冷颤的程度。其它的倒是不难看。WYT
前半还有趣点 后半就？？？ 我到还挺喜欢这种合家欢冒险电影 @2022-01-12 21:44:55 @2022-06-03 23:26:48
1.个人观感又一次好于豆瓣评分（6.2）带给我的较低预期（看完电影，发现IMDb目前则是6.8分）；2.导演安德鲁·安2016年的前作《桑拿夜》男主憋了很久才泄欲，2022年新作《火烧岛》一开场就是一夜情的情节（差点误以为导演是《周末时光》《寻》的安德鲁·海格）；3.没想到这部电影也像《天才不能承受之重》一样有蛮多“迷影”台词或情节；4.没有歧视没有排斥，可以肆无忌惮做真实的自己，像异性恋那般谈同性恋，有普通人的喜怒哀愁……虽然这部男同版《傲慢与偏见》只是通俗的爱情喜剧片，但还是把我看得蛮愉悦。★★★☆
量产品，人物扁、剧情死、视听僵、发展和主题全靠台词，刻板形象多得可唯恐同。 我太和Will共鸣了，不懂美国流行文化、只见过阿莫多瓦，但我还在为此自卑
3.5星，比预料中的好，小鸡片要的就是vibe，要梦幻但不能梦幻得不真实，要热恋但要热恋得很暧昧，Noah这条线都很好，尤其是曾经鲜肉的Oliver现在都要做精英了，但还是一如既往的可爱，相反Howie那条线就没必要强行合家欢了，悻悻然离岛就是最好的结尾。谁能想到啊，Sometimes Piano Version可以这么感人。
怎么才六分多啊，现在已经不流行简奥斯汀风格的轻松浪漫故事了吗？总之对这种同志爱情喜剧真的一点抵抗力没有，感觉就像回到了2016年以前一样
导演其实还是蛮有野心的，找了近年大热剧的两个小演员以及大热电影男主，融合了剧情、喜剧、恐怖和青少年探秘，结尾找来前作老演员撑腰一波，要素的确多。除了致敬其实就是要你看起来爽，不错
两星半 贩卖情怀的代价是年轻观众真的很难喜爱
非粉丝，感觉前面还挺带感的，后面这种明显剧情烂尾了
2300。外表太差感觉不配，难以入戏，也不好笑。中途有首歌惊艳。
三星加一星，给惊艳的天才少女和片尾曲满满的回忆。
觉得聒噪的去看那些苦大仇深的同志片不就行了么
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