Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
喜欢芭蕾舞剧场那段平行叙事，镜头快速切换，剧院的观众仿佛在欣赏荒诞讽刺的剧情，然后爆发了雷鸣般的掌声，此刻的滑稽黑色效果绝佳
当魏成功接过花束，满头是土，怀着刚刚差点被活埋的恐惧和被欺骗的愤怒，边笑着边喊“我杀青了”的画面；和片尾花絮里魏翔泪流满面，颤抖着的语调叙说“感谢闫非鹏魔给我这个机会，让我当一次男主角”的片段，戏里戏外发生互文，才是电影在开心麻花式段子戏谑的背后，那一抹穿透影视寒冬的、魔幻时刻的温暖。
Renfe上看电影最讨厌到站了但电影没结束
但听到满场笑声大概也知道包袱抖响了
又是半部好戏。前面错位的笑果非常好，但到了黑帮老二知道杀手是演员那一刻就完全泄气了，后面的叙事好似在不断打补丁+攒段子+卖情怀，失去了笑果。
情节流畅且自洽的喜剧，在开心麻花的水准线以上，但可以猜到情节发展和煽情套路，所以给不了太高分
我觉得是不错的商业流水线电影，希望豆瓣上的人能平等对待欧美日韩流水线和国产流水线电影。
基本上看不懂作者在讽刺什么，这老板放我们这确实属于好老板啊？
「资本主义国家的资本家可真难当」via 余小岛
电影跟预想的一样爆笑，但比预想中的爆笑频率更密集，这个电影简直没打算让你笑停下来。电影似乎是翻拍《魔幻时刻》，但没看过，不过看这电影的时候觉得蛮本土化的，笑料都很接地气，主演魏翔我还蛮喜欢，之前的酱油演员，感觉他这次可能要翻身了，演得确实不错。这电影简直就是真中有假，假中有真，真真假假的套中套故事，全部演员都蛮幽默的，这100分钟真的是欢乐满分，电影中有很多经典的电影梗，像《教父》《雨中曲》《低俗小说》《上海滩》这些还是大家耳熟能详的，而且也很有意思，不会让人觉得生硬，马丽跟魏翔，这对搭档可以的，作为春节档唯一的合家欢纯喜剧电影，感觉会成为票房黑马，毕竟，没人会拒绝开心吧。
结尾花絮，魏翔哭着说：“这是我第一部男主角。”倒是比剧里的设定动人一百倍。
。表面清清白白良好模范企业家，高贵邀请函随手送人。你把我当兄弟，我当成你女婿。
不错的呢…西班牙人的逻辑特别清晰，从悬疑片世界最棒，用这种模式拍的喜剧片也是结构特别清楚…再有哈维尔这样的大咖演员一加持，完全可以…
虽然不是我喜欢的类型，但这片剧本扎实，拍的也不错，值得推荐
大男主，巴登一个人在那儿嘚瑟，颇有当年蘑菇头杀手的风采
春节档图个乐，这要是放在了别的档期就是个烂片无疑
如果把这个老板放在我们身边来对比，他简直是个天使。
西班牙主流一边倒地支持《好老板》（奥外送选+戈雅多项大奖），但我个人觉得还不如阿莫多瓦的《平行母亲》。再狗血一点，变成几集的电视剧可能会效果更好一点。现在这120分钟的电影真就没什么太高艺术水准，也就看看哈维尔巴登的表演，然后图一乐。
被做手脚的天平⚖️大家都知道，但没人说话。
按照利高者疑
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