Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
喂中国观众吃这种地沟油挺好，富了片方，病了观众
陪我妈看电影，太后打仗的不看说不吉利，修电路板不看说哪里来的丑孩子，骑摩托不看说汽配城修车工平时都不想了解他们这时候还要花钱了解？于是只剩这部合家欢了…还行，我妈欢了几下，我剧情实在太熟加上麻花太行活属实欢不出来
魏翔三次舔刀那里全电影院都笑没气了。马丽这样丰腴的样子倒蛮适合这个扮相，太美了。
有的情节是真的尴尬，电影的有一些镜头可以很明显的看出是借鉴了哪些经典镜头，但演员的精神让人很是佩服，他是真的很珍惜这个男主角的机会，很用心的在表演
讽刺性十足的小喜剧，一股诡异的气氛笼罩全片，有点西班牙独特气质惊悚片的感觉，但缺乏更深刻或独创性的观点以及真正意义上的戏剧高潮。《老无所依》中杀手扮演的老板，演技精湛。
没有什么会完全是我们预想的那样 我们不是我们 我们是变化的 这取决于我们面对的是谁
就像“黑豹”不懂独裁一样，这个片子也不知道什么叫社会主义的老板。
已经坏掉的天平企图用加减砝码来获得公平，荒诞至极。美其名曰要评奖，其实质不过是资本间的互像献媚，谁都有可能成为下一个抗议资本压榨的人，可下一个失去儿子的人会是谁？
一星都不想打 这是电影吗？相声小品欢乐喜剧人
喜欢电影的看看有趣的小梗，纯粹看喜剧的到处都是小笑点。节奏不错，很考验演技，而且演技也经受住了考验。最重要的是，这电影明白自己的功能，没想教育任何人。让人放松地进入，放松地离开。
想天平永远平衡关键时刻还是需要一些必要手段的…片子节奏挺慢的，哈维尔巴登演的老板增色不少，喜欢片子里的一些黑色幽默~3.5
哎 骂不动了 记录了一下 22分钟的时候前排观众发出的鼾声就说明了一切；另外喜剧可不可以别煽情
老板无时无刻地竭尽浑身解数地pua员工是无国文化隔阂地非常统一
令人难以共情的角色塑造、缺乏逻辑的情节
编剧很卖力地抖露各种迷影梗，魏翔很卖命地秀“演技”，玛丽很卖弄风情地扮性感，全都透着一股心虚，唯恐别人说自己“不行”。可惜，不行就是不行，你就算把三谷幸喜绑架到片场来也还是不行。
魏翔饰演的魏老师其实很令人感动，这种架空的场景其实有点让人出戏，也不是很搞笑。但男主角的敬业以及对表演的热爱比情节本身更打动人，也让影片有了丰富的内涵。
为什么看下来觉得好像真是一个好老板啊，国内企业能遇到几个这样通情达理又体贴的老板？另外天平的段落实在是太讽刺了。贾维尔巴登演技是神
哈维尔巴登太有魅力啦！但是电影本身来说太普通了
任命女性主管、阿拉伯裔主管，甩锅假面表演，讽刺值拉满了
男主有刘海的时候，有点像想见你里的莫俊杰，哈哈哈哈哈
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