Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
看着非常自然的致敬雨中曲，我都想起立鼓掌了。
得了吧，把三谷幸喜的本子改的这么困。后半原创部分睡着了。
贺岁档电影还是喜剧片为主流，这部电影做到了包袱全面，给观众解压放松。
即兴表演：一个没有天赋的主角在苦中作乐……
后半段逻辑崩了，哈维中枪以后不管是死是活就扔医院里，小喽啰们也仅仅听了魏成功几句话就怀疑吉米了。哈维中枪了还能和好如初投资电影，属实是带好人。
大概3.5星。 只在心情不好的时候值得一看，一般状态可看可不看。 我正好是在一个糟心的状态下看的，很明显后半程逻辑已经乱套了， 但确实很好笑啊。我对迷影向电影也总有莫名的好感。至少致敬了教父 这个杀手不太冷， 雨中曲， 让子弹飞，纸牌屋， 黄金大镖客， 最后一幕又有点像一步之遥， 当然， 必不可少的，喜剧之王，甚至和老马丁版的也有很高的相似度。 干嘛要碰瓷杀手莱昂， 叫喜剧之王3多好。 最后想说下魏翔， 这确实是魏翔第一次主演的戏， 戏内戏外行程奇妙的互文，有点儿意思。但我还是不太看好魏翔的未来， 应该不太会达到沈腾的高度， 但也没必要达到。 至少这一次赚到了。
6.0/原来有依照的剧本，所以就没啥好说的了
本魔幻时刻影迷觉得还是比较满足的，拍成这样足够了，最经典的段子都在，还加了很多对影史名作的致敬。希望把马丽换个人，但想想能有这样喜剧节奏的女演员里，可能还就马丽能好看点。只能说三谷的本子太强了。7分还能往上吧，期待落在7.5。
每个大哥身边都有一个想当大哥的手下，哈哈哈，感谢吉米献身做了全片唯一的反派
笑点有 但泪点没get到
6.0/原来有依照的剧本，所以就没啥好说的了
丢掉了原作很多重要的内核，光影的造梦，演员的信仰，都简化成了一个个零散的小标签，我不是特别喜欢，但是翻拍有底子，所以也没有太差，看到最后，我觉得这部电影最大的意义可能不是带给观众的，而且带给魏翔的。
6，没想到春节档看下来，能够及格的竟然是开心麻花，毕竟原著底本是真的够好，怎么瞎拍都能保住下限
每年春节带家人去看一部电影，今年选择了这部，图个开心。
没想到男主真的是第一次做男主，看完莫名觉得他很帅，他的用心演出让我看到了他的个人魅力，希望他以后能有更多更好的作品！
“成功，只比未成功，多坚持了一次。”致敬了相当多的电影，魏翔也在开心麻花的众捧下，充当了男一号，以精湛的实力，引领全局；奈何影片在男一明白事情真相后，陷入了僵局
没有开怀大笑，只有浅浅地冷笑。是的，有点low，不管是场景，还是剧情。
可看。对得起“喜剧”的标签。每个演员都很投入不敷衍。这年头只要演员演的不尬我就觉得是在尊重我！只是只有反派一个人是be，不知道为什么我觉得有点同情他
日版我确实没看过，但中国版，拍的索然无味，看得出来是一眼就能看出来的虚假高饱和度的特效，故意拍得像舞台剧一样，原版也有类似画面，意大利人交易和舔刀那两段倒是有点意思。
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