Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
看的时候，我并不知道是王朔的片子，但还是很明显地感受到了王朔小说的味道。
1.离谱到家了 2.难看到令我震惊 3.王传君你觉不觉得自己很装啊
两星半，剧情和台词水平完全不匹配啊，内容与爱情无关，是在讲生老病死？王珞丹扮演的苏凌芳演出了米莱的感觉，最后吴彦姝的老年苏凌芳让我流下了眼泪，王传君一直是稳定输出。
把个原本可能会很感人的故事与题材拍的矫情的要死，真的有人会对着靠音乐和旁白才能渲染出来的感情流泪吗？
搞乐队玩摇滚卖唱女文学系渣导演，一展现北京文艺就搞这些元素，真的看厌了。后边更离谱，玛蒂尔达化身中国叛逆妹子，穿越到捷克搞科研。我爱她但是我又放不下另一个她，两全其美的办法是让她生下我和另一个她的受精卵。服了，中年男人的恶心幻想。
6.3分#整个故事非常王朔，前半段的童年青春错过的爱情都还挺正常的，不过后半段这个干细胞广告宣传片风格是怎么回事……
侧 勒 努 趯 策 掠 啄 磔——咏字八法——慨书
哀莫大于心死，从注射干细胞那天开始，王珞丹也死了，王传君也死了。
“小鲁要出国了，你不送送他吗？”
摄影及美术真的是牛逼，塑造的时空展现了太多那个年代特有的细节，唯独客观讲述故事有点跳戏，观感不是特别好。
1.王珞丹好像从《北辙南辕》里无缝走进了这个世界。
很多地方总感觉可以处理的没那么狗血那么仓促/杂乱/突兀/折磨/莫名其妙，是可以把这个故事讲深讲好的。可编剧和导演就是要把血压拉满，借文艺之名在各种“感人”情节里跃迁，把大把文艺的台词甩到观众脸上
7.0 前后跳跃太大 其实如果按前边的故事讲 也不错
1.王珞丹好像从《北辙南辕》里无缝走进了这个世界。
懵逼，电影没看懂，故事让我懵，所以，男主角是死了还是没死，都叫海洋大学了，电影的结尾是又过了几十年么？。老，可以有死的意思，说人老了，在某种语境里是人死了。不老奇事，说的是不死么？有句台词，父母是我们和生死之间的一堵墙，整部电影都是不老，可是每个人都在老。未知生，焉知死，不谈死后的世界，只谈祭奠和怀念，是传统的追思。
王朔自比阿甘，是郭小鲁也是苏玲芳，一次完整的抄书。前半截尤其王朔，特贫、逗乐，王珞丹真的很适合风尘女；后半截所谓的科幻有点拖沓，但是终究比郭帆《李献计历险记》拍得好。高粱饴是真的很难吃，勾起了一些不好的回忆，王传君的形象像我一个没联系了的好朋友，我很想他。
爱不一定能幸福，医不一定能永生。人最怕的不是离去，是遗忘。以及，摄影不错
没有去影院看这部片子，真的是遗珠之憾。充满文艺片气息的娓娓道来，让你在不知不觉中度过了一次人生。关于爱情、人生、失去、错过、死亡，每个字眼都会让你思考良久。所有演员都表现出特别高的水准，女二李婷婷更是一句台词让人破防，王13多年不见竟然能演出原汁京味，太多惊喜让我评本片为2021年最佳国产影片，没有之一。
王传君是个好演员，却因演了这个纯爱系男大生让我频频出戏。这部片的奇幻元素仅仅体现在接二连三的离奇死亡事件，让人坚信不疑这是今年最佳殡葬电影
🌝🌝很是跳跃，给人观感就是分解，不过两位演员表现不错，旁白也OK。拍得有点意思又不够意思的程度。所以呢，就是没拍好呀。丁萌萌很可爱。
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